It can be troubling, however you can make more damage out of it or change it for the better. My hope is always to make things better. Sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes things go wrong and all you can do is work your hardest to make things right. The pain is always is going to be in the back of your mind. Many times I wonder if it is worth the fight and most times if I feel it isn’t I’ll say its not worth it.
Sometimes you have to choose what battles are worth fighting for. Something I have had to learn and still have trouble with sometimes. Sure it is hard to say it isn’t worth it when the battle concerns you but, that’s life and you still need to be able to decifer whether to continue with this battle or walk away.
Some people wonder what their point is on earth, including myself.
Many times I have told my family that I am only here to make sure they have a roof over their heads, food in their stomach and clothes on their back. I know it hurts them however it hurts me even more. Mainly because I know it isn’t true..I still think about it on and off about what I said and the amount of times that I have said it. The first time I said this I got what I needed to say out and with my eyes starting to water, I left the room, not wanting to let my family know how much pain I was in.
I have heard it over and over watch what you say because words hurt, I have had many words thrown at me, and yes they did hurt. However I have never threw words that hurt me just as bad or worse than the people I have thrown them at.
One night I went to bed of a bad headache, after my wife and I got into a little argument, as she followed me, I made the bed and after we were both in bed, I laid there again with watering eyes from the argument. I told here that I was in so much pain from the headache.
My life has been full of so much pain that crying is very scarce even at a funeral. I am now 43 years and can’t even remember how many I have attended but I can say not one tear was shed.
I have had one time where my son who has made me cry and I mean cry and all it took was three songs. but since then it hasn’t happened.
Point being don’t have a cold heart such as mine, I have had many people try to help break it and. I can help others with their problems or atleast try to help.
This is just one of the songs I heard that my son sent to me and after listening to it, I had to relisten to it and holding the headphone tight to my ears to catch the words. Believe me that made me Cry I went to bed and cried, when I finished and regained my composer I opened my eyes and just at that point, the sun appeared in through my bedroom window and shined on a cross that I had bought for my wife.
In spite of all that I just said in this last portion I still cant bring myself back to that day.