Life at a point

Some people wonder what their point is on earth, including myself.
Many times I have told my family that I am only here to make sure they have a roof over their heads, food in their stomach and clothes on their back. I know it hurts them however it hurts me even more. Mainly because I know it isn’t true..I still think about it on and off about what I said and the amount of times that I have said it. The first time I said this I got what I needed to say out and with my eyes starting to water, I left the room, not wanting to let my family know how much pain I was in.

I have heard it over and over watch what you say because words hurt, I have had many words thrown at me, and yes they did hurt. However I have never threw words that hurt me just as bad or worse than the people I have thrown them at.

One night I went to bed of a bad headache, after my wife and I got into a little argument, as she followed me, I made the bed and after we were both in bed, I laid there again with watering eyes from the argument. I told here that I was in so much pain from the headache.

My life has been full of so much pain that crying is very scarce even at a funeral. I am now 43 years and can’t even remember how many I have attended but I can say not one tear was shed.

I have had one time where my son who has made me cry and I mean cry and all it took was three songs. but since then it hasn’t happened.

Point being don’t have a cold heart such as mine, I have had many people  try to help break it and. I can help others with their problems or atleast try to help.

This is just one of the songs I heard that my son sent to me and after listening to it, I had to relisten to it and holding the headphone tight to my ears to catch the words. Believe me that made me Cry I went to bed and cried, when I finished and regained my composer I opened my eyes and just at that point, the sun appeared in through my bedroom window and shined on a cross that I had bought for my wife.

In spite of all that I just said in this last portion I still cant bring myself back to that day.


6 thoughts on “Life at a point

  1. Dear Friend, My heart aches for you and I cry out to God for healing of your hurts and pain. There was a time when I could not express any feelings and never cried. There were deep wounds dating from my childhood where keeping a stiff upper lip was required with no tears no matter how difficult things were. My emotions were frozen and no expression, although I was bleeding on the inside. My blockage was refusal to forgive my parents and especially my father. I learned that forgiveness was a choice and didn’t involve my feelings. I had been drinking the poison that I wanted them to drink and it made me toxic. Although I was a Christian, there were places in my heart that I never surrendered. Finally, I asked Christ the Forgiver who lived inside of me to give me his forgiveness to forgive. Made the choice to say paid in full and gave them mercy. Forgave the abuse and let it go. What had tormented me, left and I had peace. Pictured the blood of Jesus cleansing that place inside of me. Then I took the resurrection power that raised Jesus that was given me when I accepted Jesus into my life and let it heal the emotional wounds. I received my emotions back and now can feel and cry. My friend, I speak the healing balm of Jesus to your wounds. Know that you were created for greatness and your life makes a difference. You have the ability to write and express yourself well. There will come a day, when you will be able to help others that hurt because you are healed. Know you are loved and are valuable. Just as God spoke to you with hope as the light shined on the cross you had given your wife, so his light is shining on you now. Your deep grief is going to turn to joy. Lord, thank you for this Friend. Lord, wrap him up in your love! Thank you!
    Pure Glory

    Liked by 2 people

    • Here is the sad thing my pain is also do to mostly the physical pain from my father. I feel in my heart as though I have forgiven him for all the pain that he has caused, this was years ago. Do you think it might help if I told him this I don’t believe I ever did. I have had u following me on my other two blogs Task Force and thoughtzfrommyheart and you have given excellent advice. Now for the second part of the story my anger also stems from my mother who also put me through some pain with physiological issues. As with my father I to have her as well. I also was put through hell with the court system when they continued to put me back in the same abusive situations. Oh well the point is how can I still be so stone cold but say I forgave these people and what they did to me. It even came to one point I was helping a nephew build a wall out of stones and we came across a stone shaped like a heart and I wanted to bring it home to remind people of how stone cold my heart was.

      Liked by 1 person

      • My Friend, get the counsel and instruction of the Lord whether you tell him that you forgive him. The Lord will give you wisdom as you seek him in prayer. You do need to forgive the Judge, the social workers and others that returned you to an abusive situation. There are two speakers on YouTube that I recommend you watch to receive healing. One is Joan Hunter who had a very difficult life and now heals others of trauma and sickness through Jesus.
        The second person, Katie Souza, an ex-convict, has powerful teaching and healing your wounded soul

        God is loves to heal our soul from the inside out. I know that these videos will give you important keys for healing your soul. God is changing you from the inside out! Praying for you and that God’s love will permeate every cell of your body. You are a threat to the enemy and he is trying to stop you. Instead your soul is getting healed and you will become all that God created you to be.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi disoriented01, I just wanted to encourage you to allow the Lord to work on your heart. I too come from a rough background and for years held back the tears because tears meant to me I was weak. It wasn’t until I dropped my wall and really honestly allow the Lord to break it away did I ever begin to feel free from the pain from within. God can bring beauty from painful ashes, you just have to be willing to allow the Lord to display those beautiful moments to you so your heart can become captured with Joy…

    R3IGN, (Reaching 3veryone In God’s Name)


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