Thirty one years

It has now been thirty one years since I was diagnosed with epilepsy and I am happy to say that as of 12-16-2016,  I have been seizure free. I still have a spot on the brain that is causing the partial complex seizures, and I still have to take the anti epilepsy medicine, and more than likely will for the rest of my life. However if that’s what it takes to keep this situation at bay, I’ll do whatever it takes. I am quite satisfied with the outcome of this surgery, and I would like to get back to Ann Arbor to personally Thank all the personnel who helped make at U OF M  this post  this post and day of being seizure free possible. I pray that this situation is completely over. I have returned to college and taking a course an getting a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice. I have a long road ahead of me, as I also try to look for a job to help pay for the continuation until I graduation which will be Feb, 2021. I give a lot of thanks for my wife and kids, although there is skepticism that I am pushing a little to much with school. I have as much faith as I did when I had both brain surgeries not so much that they will correct them because I was warned there was a chance it might not work, there was also worry that I might not make it off the table because of the seriousness of the surgery and the possible outcome that this type of surgery and consequences this type could cause. But even then I made it through two surgeries, received my drivers licences back, going back to school, and trying to get back to work. The only thing I feel is that I am putting to much pressure upon myself although I am used to it. There has been a lot of situations that has made it the wrong week to start, a few health issues with my own home some health issues outside my home the start of school and trying to find a job all at one time, I have pushed through it all. Don’t get me wrong I struggle at times but again I have pushed through a lot through out my life and I will do it again until as long as I have breath in me, I will continue. My life will stay the same.

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Memories:

My Son wrote a  post

Memory  Lane goes back quite a few years, being the age I am. However  Let’s go back to the year 2014 when I had received word that I was able to go for another brain surgery to correct a seizure disorder. For me it was a no brainer. I talked to my neurologist about where it was going to be. Therein lies the brainer. I  All three hospitals where a distance from home and many of my family was very nervous about the situation. However I had been through it one other time, and myself I looked at it to the point of what do I have to loose. A few more inches of dead brain tissue. I wasn’t worried about the lose of my life. I had alot of faith that I was going to make it back home, and as you can see with the guiding hand of God I am here to write this little piece of memory.

There were and are some disadvantages to that surgery, such as missing a few birthdays due to testings. Lose of some things that I should remember. Headaches that last awhile and a lovely scar shaped like a question mark on the right side of my head.

surgical

I had this surgery on Dec.16-2015 and back home with my daughter-in-law on Dec.18-2015 The best advantage of the whole surgery was the reason for the surgery, after having epilepsy for thirty one years being on medication and one prior surgery in 2008, I can say I haven’t had a seizure since. I am still on medication but at last visit to neurologist we talked about taking me off them. We’ll see what happens in December when I go back.

Tornado

The raging side of me continues like the recent storm that carried few tornadoes through Grand Rapids, Mi. among other cities. This storm didn’t have the full effect of the worse of the tornadoes but it knocked out power to thousands of customers. Tore out trees, damaged homes, cars and alike.

As I received the text alert of a tornado warning my wife and I sat at the dining room table on the upper level of the house, listening to the warning sirens blaring in the distance. So we sat for a little while listening to the weather forecast. ( I don’t know about other states but here if a tornado warning is issued for Allegan County, Then Kent County’s Warning system will also go off.) So as we sat  here waiting to find out which way this storms path was going we heard that a tornado had touched down due west of us. I told my wife that I was just going to wait it out and see what happens. If my number is up then so be it. She sat across the table from me looking dumbfounded as if to say excuse me, Why would you say such a thing?, and I gave her a look back as if to say well you’re sitting there across from me so aren’t you saying much the same? OOH the power of silence between a couple that has been together so long can speak volumes, without saying a word. Sometimes our silence can be just as scary as a fierce storm or as gentle as a baby kitten.

There is more silence than words in this house. However she shows plenty of expressions that I have seen to know what she is thinking or feeling. She doesn’t have a very good poker face. I can tell when she hurts physically, or emotionally, her deep scars are there for life, although healed and visibly unnoticed, physically intact, she struggles with inner peace.

My peace is somewhat there, outward scars noticed  expressions unnoticed, physically intact, I am emotionally attached to a point. She can’t tell with me the difference of physical or emotional pain. Many people can’t. I find it better that way.  I find myself  able to handle physical pain more than emotional.

Now some of you maybe wondering how this next paragraph relates to the whole picture, well look at it this way, Lets say a Tornado ripped through a  home and left a path of destruction in it’s wake all of which listed below can be found within this path.

Battle wounds are forever,
Physical wounds leave visible scars, emotional wounds leave invisible wounds which can sometimes lead to visible scars, and more emotional.

Let’s elaborate a few
1. Physical = A person has surgery, a visible scar is left.
2. Emotional = A child looses a mother or father to a tragic death.
3. Emotional = physical – this lose triggers the need to cause physical harm upon oneself
4. Physical = Emotional therein this physical need to induce pain upon oneself to release the emotional pain from which induces emotional pain to others around that person of which has become now emotionally and physically scarred.

Some of which can be very dangerous and detrimental to the health of said person and all involved.

I would rather deal with physical scars they heal faster and less painful!